Pulling into Blackhawk Farms this weekend was like coming home after a long trip.  It’s not because I felt some sort of affinity towards the race track itself, or South Beloit in general.  It was more a feeling of nostalgia mixed with anticipation for seeing friends you haven’t seen in a while.  I’m an emotional dork – I know this.

The weather.  Yes well all know by now that the weather was less than desirable.  Most people around here can easily bundle up for a ride in the cold, and at this point most of us would do just about anything to get outside on 2 wheels but this level of cold was almost enough to make you want to turn around and go home.  Never has 2 hours on a trainer, full zip jersey open and flapping in the breeze of the fan as you pretend you’re somewhere warm and inviting sounded so much more desirable than actually being outside and with friends.

Quick assessment revealed that the “Pro Cat 4” crew was there.  All of us complaining about the cold and huddled up in their cars.  Smells of embrocation and the sounds of nervous chatter both filled the air.  I often wonder what normal people would think if they stumbled into this weird landscape of grown men with shaved legs and wearing lycra riding “children’s toys” in weather that could only be described as “Wisconsorific”.

With Jason Knauff at reg (“If I hear one more person complain about the cold…”) and the wise use of Chicago Cross Cup numbers left over from the season it was no wonder that I walked back outside and began heckling the cat 5 field and the popcorn that had already come off of their pack.  The rest of the group in cat 5 seemed strangely impressive.  There was a break that was actually working and stayed away until the end.  Kudos guys.

The 30+ 4/5 crowd was called to the line to take a lap.  At this point I had barely gotten ready.  Needless to say there was no warm-up involved.  That sucked because at this point I know for a fact that if I don’t warm up a LOT then my race will be a panic stricken endeavor filled with that constant feeling that I will pop any minute.  This is in stark contrast to the “high speed chess match” that it should be.

Taking the lap I found the course conditions to be almost identical to last year.  Nice wind at sections of the course.   People taking the same goofy lines on the same turns – when you’re in a single file line going 60 mph on a motorcycle then sure – dive into the turn, but when you’re in a pack of cyclicsts – hold your distance from each other and don’t clip the corners.  (hold your line). *end preaching*

So at this point we’re lined up and waiting for the actual start.  I’m feeling like a tightly wrapped sausage – 5 layers of the same sized race gear can make you feel that way.  The small amount of sweat produced in the pre-lap was quickly cooling down.  I couldn’t hear the instructions.  I was nervous too.

You’d think that after all of the racing I have done that I would be fine at the line, but I am always nervous right before the start.  It’s kind of like the feeling you get when you ride a roller coaster.  You’ve ridden it before and loved it.  You’ve spent a lot of time telling everyone about how cool the coaster is and how you can’t wait to get back on it.  Then before you realize it you just stepped back on it and buckled your seat belt.  It’s then you start questioning whether or not you really liked it before or was it simply just masking it with good feelings so that you wouldn’t remember the shear terror you actually endured.  Then before you can change your mind and get off you get thrown back in your seat….

“On the whistle….” *TWEET*

True to the precedent set by the weather and the numbers we had ourselves a little Cyclocross start.  The sprint was right off the bat and instantly we were fighting for wheels to keep out of the wind.  After a few laps the rhythm came back.  Everyone was chatting.  Well everyone except the cat 5’s who seemed shocked that anyone could talk.

Crit races around here seem to turn into a high speed version of coffee talk.  “How you been?”  “What’s going on?”  “When did you start racing for…”  “How’s the family.” “Can you believe the weather?” “How about we just draw straws for the podium and just call it a day?”

True to form there was some yelling, but in general the race was pretty subdued.  Early on as we came into the main straight we had a few riders who were on the front and didn’t want to be.  So they pretended like they were in the tour and began to snake back and forth on the course to shake their wheel suckers.  I just about came unglued.

That kind of crap is interesting and may have its place but not at the point of cat 4/5 field down the straight with 70 riders fighting for wheels at all costs and blindly sweeping back and forth with you.  If you’re on the front and don’t want to be then just slow down.  If someone wants to go faster they will come around you.  If not then no worries – you’re going slower anyway.  Just hold your line and go about your business.

If you don’t want to be there then don’t put yourself there.  You control it.

The rest of the race was uneventful for the most part.  Some moves – chased down like the dogs we are.  I was in good position for almost the entire race.  Really I was just shocked that I was still there and in.  On the last lap it started to get dicey as people started turning the screws and fighting for position.  A lot of people were popping and shooting back through the pack.  Just before the final turn there was a separation.  I found myself right on the edge of it.  A combination of being on the limit and my Spidey Sense made me decide that I had achieved what I wanted and that I should just let the pack go for the sprint.

As I rounded the corner and started my seated push for the end I heard the wreck.  This one sounded different.  Worse.  I saw a  few people on the ground.  The ever “wreck” present xXx jersey, and a Spidermonkey.  I slowed down of course.  Spidermonkey looked like a sack of potatoes.  Not moving at all.  Got that bad feeling.  Crossed the line yelling that they needed to get the ambulance down there.

It was hard to shake it but I was already thinking about the next race.  We had 1 race in between.  Ryan Handley and I jetted to the cars as quick as we could.  I knew they layers of sweat were going to turn to ice quickly unless we got inside the car.

Standing at the line for the second race was horrid.  I was literally shivering.  I really didn’t want to do the second race at all.  It took everything I had to make sure I didn’t just turn around and get in the car.  The second race was pretty straight-forward.  Nothing really of interest.  An early break that looked interesting and then Jostein and Peter Kelly made it to it…the composition looked deadly and the size was right, but something happened on their end.  They just didn’t go anywhere and it looked like everyone was just wanting to e in the move – not doing any work to make it go….so we chased it down like the dogs we are again.

I gave Peter Kelly (Bicycle Heaven) some crap about the fact that he is still racing on a set of bibs that he tore up over 2 years ago.  Enjoyed watching him try to make things happen.  It was exhausting to watch.  J

This race was cut short and I caught out of the corner of my eye that we had 2 laps left.  It was only 17 minutes in so I questioned it the whole lap.  Then we saw 1 on the card and heard “last lap” but I didn’t hear the bell.  Regardless I figured I would race it like the last lap anyway.  It started to get sketchy as everyone realized that “they were out of time to execute their ‘master plan’” and resorted instead to playing ping pong with their bodies trying to take positions.

Someone crossed wheels and touched a foot down but kept it upright.  The tension was mounting.  With the previous wreck still fresh in my mind and feeling like I didn’t have anything anyway I begged off the sprint again.  Before the last corner I waved everyone through and just rode it in.

The sprint looked like a slow-mo version.  More like track tactics.  The group spread out across the entire course.  The Bicycle Heaven group ended up off in the grass – later heard Peter Kelly, true to form, tore up some equipment forcing his move off into the grass.  Great things await Peter as soon as he can keep his bike together and keep the rubber side down.

Eric Christ and I talked down the final straight and rolled in side by side to finish a good day of racing.

Rhythm looked great, taking a lot of podium spots.  Justin Somerville (Bicycle Heaven) made it out of the mess to still place in the top 10, and xXx member and local official Jared Rogers claimed a nice second place podium spot.

Richard Lenski (PSIMET Elite) picked up a couple of points in the first race and Joe Berenyi (PSIMET Elite) and him placed well in both races.  Joe secured his cat 3 upgrade officially and now we are looking for Richard to pull through on his after Hillsboro.

Some early season victories – Tim Speciale put his mark on Kenosha the next day after riding up to the race (on his bike), racing/winning it and then riding home.  Wayne Simon did the same thing for the first of many Enzo’s-PSIMET victories of the season.

Right now with Hillsboro prep I feel like I have been on a Vegas bender filled with the fog of all nighters of tubular glue and latex and carbon dust.  I’ll be happy when the race starts and I can relax.  Yeah…I typed that.  So when you see me pop and go off the back in Hillsboro – don’t feel sorry for me.  I will be getting in my riding for the week and enjoying the terrain.

As the racing season draws closer every day I can’t help but start to get those feelings in my (now even more oversized) belly.  That feeling of coming out of a corner and just giving it everything to hold on to someone who has turned on the gas and is trying to shake you like a natural disaster.  Core burning as you use it for leverage for pedaling (wait a minute…we didn’t do that all winter…WTF!).

I found myself giving advice in another thread about first races and it dawned on me that now – due to my extensive experience, and due to my professional Cat4 status that I had the option – nay the DUTY to hold some internet based court on how you new racers should race in your first crits this year.

First things first – if you see the fat guy in the PSIMET kit laughing and cracking jokes on the start line – stay away.  That’s me and I have a family to provide for.  I would also recommend staying away from anyone who is probably talking to me.  They are most likely Pro Cat4′s as well and either have real jobs and families as well or are still 4′s because they like to bust things up at the end of a race…like their heads…or their legs…*cough*BeverlyBob*cough*.

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1.  Pin your number on right.  If you have to ask how to do it then no soup for you.  Ask at reg “what side?” They will know what you mean.  Then REMEMBER IT.  then at the car look around and deduce for yourself how everyone is wearing their number.  Place it the correct way (so it can be read while standing next to you while you are in a riding position. The only exception to this is when you have #13 – general pack etiquette allows for pinning a 13 upside down, or if the official tells you to do it differently.  Why?  Because whatever they say is the way it is.  Get used to that, don’t forget it, and say “thank you” when they are done telling you.

Etiquette is of the highest importance in the Cat4/5 field

2.  Get to the line early.  OK, so we’ve kind of gone to the extreme on this over the last few years.  So what.  Yes it makes the logisitcs around the start finish a nightmare to anyone who actually has to move around there anytime near a cat4/5 start, but that’ll teach them.  If you don’t get there – we will.  Why is this important?  Ever been at the back of a 4/5 field at the start of the season with new racers in over their head and getting shelled off the back like appetisers at a cycling party after the skinny guys leave?  Let’s just say you might get hit by something and it’s probably going to leave a mark.

3.  Hold your line.  Yes, I said it.  I HATE saying it while racing.  It’s SOOOoooo 1987.  If you don’t hold your line or otherwise take a corner the correct way then don’t freak when someone DOES yell at you.  They are yelling because you are doing it wrong.  If you’re near me I’ll handcheck you…which brings up the ext point -

4.  Don’t freak out.  The worst thing you could ever do is freak out in the pack.  Don’t over react to anything.  Do what you need to do but always assume that if you have to move left, right, forward or back that someone is already in that spot so do it predictably.  If I hand check you (touch you on the outside of the hip with the back of my hand) it’s my way of saying, “I’m here and it looks like you’re trying to come over and that’s a bad idea.”  If I think you’re doing something I don’t like then you get a hard hand check.  You’ll know when that happens.

5.  Don’t chase everything.  Race hard and learn…that’s the point, but this is 4/5 racing. Nearly nothing gets away.  If it does the instigator is a genetic freak and not long for the 4′s anyway.  If you’re feeling OK and you see someone trying to work it off the front and he keeps getting chased down only to have everyone sit up and put him right back on the front….then go for it and take him with you.  You probably won’t get away but you’ll make the hangers pay.

If you’re barely hanging on then watch what us pro 4′s do.  If we sit down and let the others chase then do the same.  Save what you can if you’re struggling to stay on.  If we start barking orders it’s because we see the move as an actual threat and WE dont want to chase it down – we want to talk YOU into chasing it down. Learn from us.  There is a fine line between this and negative racing.  It’s kind of accepted that negative racing is the norm around here anymore and especially int he 4/5′s where there is such a large difference in talent.  Once you’ve been around a while you start to learn who is who. If you don’t have the juice to make it but you see someone who could giving it a shot…you can help…you just have to learn how.

6.  Don’t EVER SHOUT ABOUT WHAT THEY GUYS UP FRONT ARE DOING.  I laugh every time I hear someone yell “come on guys! someone pull!”, or “WATCH WHAT YOU”RE DOING,” etc.  I laugh because these comments are made FROM THE BACK!  If they really don’t like it then they should get up front and correct the situation.  Until then – STFU and deal with it….you’re wheel sucking at the back.

7.  Realize that the website you went to that told you to always be in the first 10 spots but never on the front….is the same webist that everyone else went to in order to learn how to race.  This creates this constantly churning mass where racers are always moving up from the back.  We say – if you’re not actively moving up then you’re moving back.  Also – not everyone can race in the first 10 spots.  Not everyone has a chance at winning – regardless of what your nursury school teacher told you back in the 70′s….err…80′s. Tactics in one of your first races in the beginning of the season are about as useful as me trying to watch my diet. So ride “heads-up” looking for danger, find smoother racers and clean lines.  Try not to get too far back to end up out of position if something gets rolling and always be looking for the popcorn coming off the back – don’t let them get in your way.

8.  Building on “not everyone can win” this one is probably one of the most important – DON’T SPRINT FOR 30TH PLACE!!!!!  Coming into the finish on the last lap you’re looking at a lot of riders riding above their ability and thinking they have a chance.  When riders are seeing red they aren’t thinking.  If you’re out of the top 10 and moving backwards or standing still then pedal it out but do it heads up and controlled.  The reson for this rule is I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve seen serious flesh peel off, ambulances called, blood, convulsions, broken frames, wheels, bodies, etc….in a cat 4/5 sprint caused by some joker riding outside of his ability and sprinting with his head down trying to move from 30th into 29th place – only to swing wide and take himself and a group of others down.  Don’t be that guy.  Don’t ever be that guy.

9.  Don’t post up if you happen to get there first.  You’re a cat4/5.  The officials will yell at you.  This is because you will probably cause a wreck if you truly post up.  If you do it and end up wrecking – well because I am so far back I’ll have plenty of time to stop and avoid it.  So I guess this is my “so-so” rule.

10. Don’t whine.  You could be Chuck f’n Norris and lose because someone literally grabbed your brakes on the final lap to hold you back.  Don’t be a poor sport, don’t slap your bars, throw your hands up in disgust, or proceed to tell everyone for the next 2 hours about how you were “robbed” or how rider “X” did such and such which he shouldn’t have done.  You lost.  It’s bike racing.  Learn from it, and then get over it.  Here’s the thing – the rest of us don’t want to hear the excuses.  We want to get to watching the rest of the races, cheering for people we know, visit with friends and family and possibly drink a beer or two.  Save your whining for the internet.

11.  Results – read them and then get out of the way.  If you want to pour over them as though it was some sort of Rosetta stone that would allow you to interpret the secrets of the Tour de France – then take a picture on that fancy phone of yours and GTFO.

12.  Don’t complain about being misplaced.  It’s cat4/5.  Unless you were in the top 6 just STFU.  Outside of 6th place you’re not getting any cash, you’re not getting any points towards upgrade.  All you’re doing is burning your goodwill with your fellow competitors and the officials.  ”I KNOW I finished in front of Beverly Bob and he says he was in 20th place so I have to be 19th but you have me listed as 25th and Bob as 24th!”  GTFO.

13.  Thank your officials.  Are the infallable?  No.  Are they always nice to you when you ask a question?  No.  Here’s the thing though – they work hard and hear a lot of people whine and complain about everything they say or do.  Without them we don’t have a race.  Period.  As officials go, for the most part, we have some pretty awesome and highly talented ones.  Don’t mess that up.  Smile, ask questions with respect/politely, and when they have made their decision accept it and move on…right after you say “THANK YOU!”  Who knows – maybe that will translate into you getting Dave’s silent version of the Superweek Salute leaving you with some respect and dignity as you get pulled, or possibly even some friendly advice when you are in the pit with a mechanical and hoping for that free lap.

14.  Probably the most important thing – If you aren’t dying and struggling to hold on then go to the front and make it happen.  It’s called bike racing – not “rolling around in circles waiting for stuff to happen”.  I will swear at you under my breath but that’s because I’m a worthless pro cat4 who is dying just to stay in contact.  If you ever want to get on the podium, and you should if you’re pinning a number on –  then when we’re out there do as I say and not as I do.

Now sit back from your computer and close your eyes.  Imagine the hot sun on your face and back with that spring chilly wind hitting you in the face and sounding like a freight train in your ears.  Arm warmers, freshly shaved legs.  Shifting.  That sound of tires at high speed as you and 100 of your closest friends go freewheeling into corner.  That sound as the tires grip and sling you around.  Effortlessly picking up positions and making your way through the pack.  Exchanging wordless greetings to long time friends as you’re once again riding side by side.

…..now imagine that gut churning sound of bike, and beast hitting the ground as one of the new crop of xXx’ers (love you guys) goes down for touching wheels in the straight.

Cat 4/5 Spring Racing

Ahhh…it’s spring.  Now…get on your bikes and ride!

Get on your bikes and ride